Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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