And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize