I think scott just propositioned me for sex
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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