another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
