I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
