I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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