My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
