Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
