I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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