oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
