don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize