dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
