I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you made out with another girl for some wings
We're too hungover to prance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
