Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
