Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
