WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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