U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
