I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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