I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
