I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wish there were birth control emojis
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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