I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
