And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
