is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
