would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
