Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
