Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
