Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
