best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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