LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
