I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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