I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
