Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
