Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
