wanna go halves on a baby?
she woke up with a sticky ear
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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