I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
