I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize