Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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