i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
