Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
