i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
