it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
