My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I color on your dick again?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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