I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
