Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
