So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
