my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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