I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
