Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
