Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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