So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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