he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
