I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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