I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
