You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
