Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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