Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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