Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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