Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
