WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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