I didn't shave. On purpose
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He felt like a one man threesome
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just found a bag of teeth...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
