hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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