Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
