apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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