i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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