the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Randomize
