I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
