in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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