i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
