He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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