this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
