New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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