Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
